Cherish the Child | Jaspriya Gandhok

“It takes a village to raise a child.”  -- African proverb

Every child is harbinger of the next generation and therefore, must be nurtured in manner that he grows to be a confident, compassionate, and intelligent person. In my profession as a Life Coach, I often work with parents who are at loss in regards to manging their children’s behaviour.

It is very common to hear them struggle with lack of discipline, excessive use of gadgets, social awkwardness, bullying or getting bullied, poor communication and many such behavioural issues. Many things have changed over the years, which have led to the struggle that we face with parenting today. However, what one must bear in mind is that raising a child is continuous journey and one must make a concentrated effort right from day one.

You cannot leave everything to nature and jump in for a quick fix if something goes wrong. And as we started with the African proverb, it is a collective responsibility of individuals and community to create an environment that nurtures its children.

What is good parenting?

Parenting does not come with any manual, though there are thousands, if not millions of books teaching people about being good parents. For most parents, it is more of a hit & trial approach – you learn as you go.  The approach towards parenting has drastically changed over years – in some ways, we can say it has evolved, in many others, we still have a long way to go and in quite a few, we have messed up quite a bit. As I say this, I will also like to put forward a clarification that we will never find a perfect approach to raising children.

With each generation, parenting challenges change because the style of parenting changes – those who are parents today were raised differently and the children they are raising are not the same as they were as kids. Not just that – with the changes in the environment, each generation is unique in its characteristics.

Having said that, it will not be amiss to also state that irrespective of the generation that is being raised, there are certain basics that form the foundation of parenting. Apart from providing for food, shelter, clothing, and education, it is imperative that parents also instil a sound value system in their children. Only material and physical comforts are not enough, parents must also ensure that they are:

• Respecting Children as Individuals: Viewing children as unique individuals rather than mere extensions of their parents is fundamental to their healthy development. Recognizing and honouring their autonomy, preferences, and emotions fosters a sense of self-worth and belonging.

• Fostering Confidence: Encouraging children to explore, take risks, and learn from mistakes cultivates resilience and self-assurance. Providing opportunities for them to make choices, solve problems, and express themselves empowers them to navigate life's challenges with confidence.

• Embracing Trust: Trusting children to make decisions appropriate to their age and abilities communicates confidence in their judgment and capabilities. Offering guidance and support while allowing them space to learn from their experiences fosters independence and self-reliance.

• Moving Beyond Helicopter Parenting: Resisting the urge to constantly hover and intervene in every aspect of a child's life allows them the freedom to develop autonomy and problem-solving skills. Balancing support and guidance with respect for their need for independence promotes healthy parent-child dynamics.

• Cultivating Open Communication: Creating a safe and supportive environment where children feel heard, valued, and respected encourages open dialogue. Listening actively, validating their feelings, and engaging in meaningful conversations strengthen parent-child bonds and promote mutual understanding.

• Nurturing Emotional Intelligence: Helping children recognize, understand, and manage their emotions equips them with invaluable life skills. Teaching empathy, kindness, and resilience fosters healthy relationships and prepares them to navigate complex social interactions with compassion and integrity.

• Encouraging Authenticity: Embracing children's unique interests, strengths, and identities fosters a sense of authenticity and self-expression. Celebrating their individuality and encouraging them to pursue their passions instils a sense of purpose and fulfilment.

Children who are brought up in an environment where they are respected as individuals, given freedom to make decisions and supported through setback grow-up to be adaptable and resilient. When such an environment also extends to their surroundings outside of their home, then the impact is much deeper and transformative.

Role of community

As a parent of two, I regularly attended Parent-Teacher Meetings at my children’s school. These meetings gave me an opportunity to observe other parents, interacting with teachers. Many a times, I noticed that parents and teachers did not see eye to eye on how the child was progressing and the efforts made to improve performance. Parents and teachers often disagreed on the extent of the role they had to play in the child’s development.

This made me wonder if only one group was responsible for nurturing and raising children? I remember that when my children started school, whatever their teacher told them was the only truth for them. Their teacher’s word mattered more. This was reflective of how important the role of teachers, and by extension school, is in growth and development of a child. As they grew older, made friends and their social circle became wider, they also started observing the similarities and differences withing different groups.

Because you cannot raise a child in isolation, it is necessary that community in which children grow up is a safe space for them, with individual value system aligned with the collective value system of society. Each member of the community has a responsibility of ensuring that through their behaviour, they set right example for younger generation. Right from extended family, to teachers and school, from social associations to civic institutions, and society at large, everybody has a role to play in raising a well-rounded, well-adjusted child. A community must provide:

• Support Network: A supportive community provides children with additional sources of guidance, encouragement, and care beyond their immediate family. This network can include relatives, neighbours, teachers, mentors, and other community members who play a role in shaping a child's upbringing.

• Diverse Perspectives: Exposure to diverse cultures, backgrounds, and experiences within the community broadens children's horizons and fosters tolerance, empathy, and understanding. Interacting with individuals from different walks of life helps children develop social skills, cultural competence, and a global mindset.

• Learning Opportunities: Communities offer a wealth of learning opportunities outside the classroom, including libraries, museums, parks, community centers, and cultural events. These experiences stimulate curiosity, creativity, and critical thinking skills, enriching children's educational journey and broadening their worldview.

• Role Models: Positive role models within the community serve as sources of inspiration and guidance for children. Whether it's a respected elder, a successful professional, or a community leader, these individuals exemplify qualities such as resilience, integrity, and compassion that children can aspire to emulate.

• Safety and Security: A safe and nurturing community provides children with a sense of security and belonging, allowing them to explore and thrive in their environment. Strong social connections and a supportive community network contribute to children's overall well-being and resilience in the face of adversity.

• Community Engagement: Engaging children in community service, volunteerism, and civic activities instils a sense of civic responsibility and social consciousness. Participating in initiatives to address local issues, promote social justice, and support those in need fosters empathy, altruism, and a commitment to positive social change.

• Intergenerational Connections: Interactions with older adults within the community, such as grandparents, elders, and community elders, offer valuable opportunities for children to learn from the wisdom, experience, and perspectives of older generations. These intergenerational connections promote respect for elders, intergenerational solidarity, and a sense of continuity and heritage.

• Building Social Capital: A strong sense of community fosters social cohesion, trust, and reciprocity among residents, which benefits children by providing a supportive and nurturing environment. Investing in community resources, infrastructure, and social programs enhances the quality of life for children and families, contributing to their overall health and well-being.

Going back to the proverb we started with, raising children is a collective responsibility, starting with parents by building the foundation for a seamless transition to the world outside their home. From there, the community becomes a partner in providing a safe, secure, and nurturing environment for the children to grow and thrive. Investing our time and effort in responsibly raising our children is the greatest contribution we can make in building a better future for generations to come.