Irrespective of your race, country, upbringing or culture we can all take a moment to close our eyes and reflect upon the very same feelings that just so happen to be innate; in us. Feelings I have no doubt you will agree to be profoundly true. As a child, we desperately wished to be an adult but the moment we were adults, we once more yearned to be a child.
Carefree, passionate, filled with desires and belief’s that as we age, society seems to rob us of, but why and how? “It simply isn’t possible”? Words one hears uttered all too often. But what is it about a society that makes an individual belief these words to be unquestionably true? Finances and responsibility no doubt spring to mind, but by being responsible to yourself first, will you not inevitably find quick and effective solutions to the barriers your adulthood has presented you with. Whatever happened to those childhood dreams and aspirations?
Find that child within you, that passionate soul, burning as strongly as the sun. Aspirations growing higher with each day’s rising sun. That child you once were still lives inside you, ready to burst out, ready to climb the highest mountain and swim the deepest sea.
As I look up at the night sky it gives me a sensation of mystery and wonder and hundreds of years before the first spacecraft landed on the surface of the moon, travelling to the moon was something so many young minds passionately believed possible, their adult parents, their water sprinklers turned on, dampening their prospective dreams, with sentiments of their idiosyncrasies, but one little child refused to conform, as odd as his peers may have found him to be, he continued to believe and low and behold the impossible became possible and in his journey he found that he was not alone in choosing to be different and rightly so, for we shall forever remember the names of the first two men who accomplished their dream of landing on the moon and in doing so, the dream of mankind.
Was I one of those children, filled with dreams? Most definitely! The top student at my school, winning regional and provincial accolades was nothing new. But at the age of twelve my fire wasn’t put out with just a bucket of water, instead I had been hit by a Tsunami. In a mere second, my life changed. I had my first Epileptic attack and discovered I had a brain tumour. Rejection, which I had only known to be a word in the dictionary, now controlled my every waking moment. I was alive, but not living.
Members of the community came home daily to pass their condolences. “Shame, she is disabled. She will never marry. No man will ever love her. She was going to be a doctor and now she will be nothing more than a teacher.” Until the age of eighteen I was in and out of hospital, picking up a rare allergic reaction known as Steven Johnson’s Syndrome, I lay on my death bed three times. Time passed and in my early twenties I made a full recovery.
But nothing changed in the minds of society. I was still disabled. Marriage proposals came by the dozens, but all for the younger girls of the family. “She is the sick one they would say. Her brain doesn’t work properly.” I would want to scream but I had to politely smile and show my respect to my Hindu elders.
With the expectations of society I made it my goal to marry and so to everyone’s utter shock I did. My marriage, my attempt to conform to society failed within a few months. “No surprise!” was the reaction from society.
I needed to get away. Be alone! Find my true self. Figure out what would make me happy and being almost thirty, I rented a cabin in the Kwa-Zulu Natal midlands for a few weeks. It was the most beautiful place I had ever been to. I loved horses and as I gazed at it in admiration, the stable boy offered to let me ride it and for the first time I heard the child in me screaming out, “Jump on!” and so I did.
I felt fearless, and unstoppable and after years of trying to fit into the expectations of society, I finally realized what it felt like to stand out. I remembered the dreams and beliefs I had as a child. I had the same body. I had the same mind. I was that same child and nothing was impossible. As the horse dutifully obeyed me, I realized I was in control. Not just of the horse but of my own destiny.
It was on that reclusive trip away from society that I began to pen my emotions, crying for hours as I did so. Rather than an autobiography, I embedded my emotional tale in the journeys of the three separate characters. It was as I wrote this Novel that I realised, it was not just my story that I wished to share with the world but South Africa’s story, a story of a beautiful land once torn apart by segregation, yes, but a land that now lay healing in unity, gaining in strength with each passing day. My message of delivering hope through my fiction became my goal, but would the world be bothered to listen. It truly did not matter. Living as if I had been suffocating inside one of the earth’s crevices, I finally decided to breathe. I no longer had the fear to try. I pulled myself out.
With my newfound courage and belief that my greatest of ambitions could be achieved, the novel that I had poured my heart and soul onto and so passionately written, would go on to gain international recognition in the International SABA book award for self-published authors which took place in the United Kingdom. Released on 20 September 2020, the novel I had titled to be ‘Love Leiyah’ was recently named the Number 3 fiction bestseller in May 2022 at Sandton City’s Exclusive Books in South Africa.
I became determined to make a positive difference in people’s lives and spread my message of Hope. Radio Producer and presenter, Dr. Clint le Bruyns, having heard of my struggle offered me a slot as a Radio presenter on Radio Al Ansaar, an opportunity that I would never have foreseen, but one that I now realize was made possible through my determination to help others.
Motivational Speaking soon began to play an enormous role in enabling me to spread my message and I spoke for many International platforms, amongst them, just to name a few were the ‘Global Millennial Group’s - Unheard Voices’, ‘Pustakalok’ and the ‘Wellness Lifestyle Conference’.
As a motivational speaker my primary focus became mental health and how to overcome Depression and deal with disability. My story and some of the strategies that worked best was what I wished to share with the world.
In my seventh year of teaching I soon found myself unexpectedly being placed in Special needs education, teaching children suffering with severe epilepsy, Autism and other Cognitive ailments. I spoke to parents stricken with grief and despair daily, counselling them voluntarily. What was disability? Was it not ‘This – Ability’ to be different and what was so wrong with being different? Where not the greatest of inventions discovered by people we know to be ‘different’, yet do we not hold them in the greatest esteem.
Suddenly my being born with a disability made sense. It was for a purpose. I had grown up wanting to be a doctor, to heal and help. But I realised I still was that child with the same desires and determination. I was healing and helping others, just on a path not quite as the one society would have set up. I had stepped away from society’s expectations almost a decade ago but my path was so very much more exciting. I was open to so many more possibilities and all because I had taken the decision to embrace my fears.
During Covid I initiated the online Talkshow ‘Meet the Author’ that creates a platform for avid readers to connect and interact with authors, enabling readers to get an insight into the minds of creative geniuses.
In August 2021, I founded the “When Ink can Talk - uniting creative minds across South Africa” association to stimulate and showcase the talent South African Artists have to offer in all spears of Arts and Culture. With accomplishing of each new task, I only set with it new goals. In June 2022 I went on to set up Shan Lee Publications, an affordable and hands on family run self-publishing company.
Am I married, a mother, a housewife, did I tick any of the boxes my Indian Elders expected of me. The answer would be “No”. Did I fail them? “Of course yes!” But the real question is, “Did I fail myself?” My answer would be a very big “No!” I couldn’t be happier.
The truth of the matter is only you and you alone will know what makes you happy. So be that ‘Fearless’ child, not embezzled in disarray when life doesn’t quite go according to plan, but ready to take on a new adventure, fearless to the journey that lies ahead.
Purchase my Novel ‘Love Leiyah’ via the link below
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