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Writer's pictureBespoke Diaries

Flashback, that I wish my brain could just forget about | Adedayo Falusi

Updated: Jul 26, 2022



Most men my age get a midlife crisis where they want to go and buy fancy cars and live out the good old days. I don’t know why for me I just started looking at everything and having it remind me of the regrets in my life.


The things that if I could go back I might have wanted to do differently, but instead I am stuck just thinking about the bad choices that I ended up making. It can turn even a simple drive into work into a mess of flashbacks that I wish my brain could just forget about. I pass by a high school and this time thoughts about not asking a girl out to prom flash through my mind.


​Why don’t you want to just ask her? Nobody has yet and I can see that she looks at you when you don’t notice. ​I want to ask her. I just want to wait for the right time so that it can be perfect.

​That right time never came and two days later somebody else ended up asking her and going with her to the prom.


She ended up marrying him and they are living some crazy rich life in LA where she is an actress. I regret not just asking her that first day because then maybe I could have had such a better life. Instead of having to work hard and scrap by. I pass by signs for a college, and I get flashbacks of when I was in college and didn’t try hard enough.


​Did you just get a D in that class? Your GPA is going to be so messed up when you graduate.

​I don’t care about any of that, this is time for fun. Jobs don’t want to look at how well I did in college anyway.


I regret not trying harder because I was wrong in thinking that. I could have had such a better-paying job if I just tried harder in college instead of messing around. Friends told me, the family told me, and I just ignored all of them.


I want to jump into my flashbacks and shake my younger self so he can change these things. Instead, I just have to sit on my drive and live with all the regret I have for the things I should have done and didn’t.


​I should have taken better care of my health in my twenties, so I didn’t have to worry so much now. I should have asked for that promotion when it was open instead of just sitting there and waiting for my boss to pick somebody else.


By the time I finally get to work my head is just filled of the mistakes I made and the regret I have for where I ended up now. I wish that I could just erase these memories, so they stop invading my mind.


Disclaimer: This article is purely a work of fiction.

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