Holiday Anxiety 4 - Difficult Family Gatherings | Reneau Peuifoy

Family gatherings with relatives who are difficult to be around is another common source of holiday anxiety. If this is true for you, take some time to decide if you really want to be around relatives like this. Saying “no” to events where they will be present is always an option. This is especially true for relatives who are alcoholics, addicts, very negative or abusive.

If you do choose to be around difficult family members, there are several things you can do to reduce conflict and experience less stress. If you have relatives who get drunk, become argumentative or fight during holiday gatherings, meet in a public setting such as a restaurant, park or holiday event. Being in public tends to promote better behavior than when in private. You can also practice neutral responses such as, “Let’s talk about that some other time,” or say, “I can see how you feel or think that way,” then change the subject.

When around family members who are negative and critical, keep in mind that you cannot control them, and you are not responsible for how this person behaves. You are only responsible for how you behave and react. Rather than striking back or becoming offended, just smile and do not respond. Don’t waste precious energy on someone who is stuck in negative behaviors.

Someone being rude or provocative is about them. You can either choose to respond, which will only escalate things, or you can be generous and have empathy for them. It is not your job to try to fix anyone. A difficult person doesn’t want your help and will probably just turn your efforts against you. Instead, say a quick hello, then find family members or friends whose company you enjoy and spend your time with them.

When visiting difficult family who live out of town, consider staying in a motel or inn rather than at their home. This provides you with a place you can escape to. It also allows you to limit the amount of time you spend with them. You can always have somewhere else you’d like to go such as an event or show. You can also say that you’re feeling tired or ill and want to return to your room and rest.

If you have a family member who is an alcoholic, consider visiting them before they become drunk, and then leave once the drinking begins.

Finally, set clear boundaries and limits with others about what you will and will not tolerate. Be willing to leave if your boundaries are crossed.