I used to say, “I hate people,” and I mostly preferred my own company over others. I kept everyone at arm’s length and rarely divulged details of my life. I had major trust issues, which did not allow me to be myself. I have come a long way since those days, but there is still work to be done.
Over the last several months as the world has emerged from the bubbles of isolation and lived with the effects of the pandemic, I have heard my friends and family share their struggles with being vulnerable again. I believe that this emotion is not new, and the isolation during the pandemic made being vulnerable harder and scarier. Living under all the armor we have created over the years is tiring and disheartening; therefore, today, I share a few thoughts on how I evolved in my journey and became vulnerable.
BECOME SELF-AWARE: When I went through my divorce several years ago, I barely knew myself. That episode in my life forced me to seek therapy and spend uncomfortable moments with myself. I was mostly friendless at that time and full of grief. It was one of the loneliest times in my life, but it was this alone time that reconnected me with my innermost thoughts.
I spent innumerable weekends staring at the blank walls of my apartment and wondering how on earth I had gotten to this place in my life. I experienced guilt, failure, and hopelessness. Thankfully, I had therapy to turn to, which gave me the courage to look inwards.
I began asking myself the difficult questions I had spent a lifetime running away from, and I answered those questions honestly. This inner dialogue was the toughest part of becoming self-aware. I faced my truth: I needed to stop running away from my childhood to limit the trash talking in my head.
The trick to effective self-talk is asking the right questions of yourself. Instead of asking why, ask how. This shift empowers you, makes you accountable, and, ultimately, helps you shed the armor. Now more than ever, I own my experiences – good and bad – which allows me to be more vulnerable.
For me, therapy and honest introspection got me the answers I needed to feel vulnerable again. Your journey may or may not be the same. Find your path to self-awareness and pursue it without abandonment.
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