Yulene don’t know if you’ve realized how much we like resisting life, thinking that some things are unfair, others shouldn’t be the way they are, or that maybe we know better. So we keep fighting and fighting wasting our precious energy and time in the process! ACCEPTANCE IS THE KEY! The first time she heard one of her meditation teachers say it out loud, she was so angry!!! How is accepting something that she doesn’t like going to make it better?? How she is supposed to accept the horrible things that happen in life? She doesn’t think so, not for her!!!
But after a few months, she realized that fighting against life is the definition of suffering itself, we are fighting windmills and we ain’t never gonna win! But, here is the thing, this constant battle makes us feel in control, but it is only a mental trick, this resistance makes us believe that we are somehow doing something about it, but it is just an ilusión. Byron Katie, one of her favourite authors, says “When you fight reality, you lose but only 100% of the time”. And this quote blows her mind!! Because, she doesn’t know about you, but she hasn’t won not one single battle doing it this way!!
And she is almost 100% positive that neither have you! she hasn’t heard a single story of a person who has been resisting, let’s say in a relationship in which her partner is doing things she disapproves and she constantly says to herself “he shouldn’t be this way!!” and suddenly one miraculous day, he stops doing them, just because she resisted them! Ok, Yulene, you’ve got her attention, but how is it that acceptance frees us? The first step is understanding that acceptance is not being okay with everything, it is not giving up and certainly it is not living a mediocre life where you just stop trying.
It definitely isn’t justifying things or staying stuck in the same place, doing nothing. Acceptance is being able to see that the relationship, the situation, and the person are this way and it shouldn’t be any other way because it is how it is, at this moment. The key part here is “THIS MOMENT” because remember nothing is permanent, so you just need to accept that right now this situation sucks, and then move your attention to how Can you make it better. When you make peace with this, you can start moving again, because now you can work through things, you can work to make them better.
We all know a friend of a friend who says he isn’t a smoker, he,” just smokes one or two cigarettes a day”. And deep down he wants to stop smoking, but until he accepts that he is a smoker, he is not going to be able to stop it, because It is impossible to stop smoking if you don’t accept that you smoke in the first place. Do you like it? No! Is it healthy? No! Is it something that you are proud of? Probably not. But fighting the fact that he is a smoker right here, right now isn’t going to change it. When he frees himself and accepts that he smokes every single day, then he will have the freedom to do something about it!
Here are some tips on how you can tell if you are on the resistance side:
1. When you think things like “it shouldn’t be this way”, or “this should be that way”.
2. Whenever your body is rigid, contracted and you can’t seem to relax.
3. When you have a sense of urgency and you feel that you need to figure out something and change it right now in this very second. Is in those moments that we need to return to acceptance.
These are some of the things that have helped me return to acceptance:
-Repeating these mantras
*It is what it is and she stops fighting *She allows this situation, person, and relationship to simply be and she lets go! *She stops trying to control, she surrenders this situation, attitude or relationship to life, the Universe, and God… it is not her responsibility to change it. *She can only change her 50%, she can only control herself.
Breathing as deeply and as calmly as she can
Staying in the present moment
Focusing her attention on the things that she can control, such as her thoughts, feelings and Actions.
These are two of her favourite books on the subject:
Loving what is, Byron Katie The untethered soul, Michael Singer And of course her favourite prayer that she uses as a mantra all day long: God grant her the serenity to accept the things she cannot change; Courage to change the things she can; And wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as She would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right If she surrenders to his will; So that she may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever and ever in the next. Let it be so… So, how about trying to accept whatever it is that you are resisting, and open to the process of living life the way it is?