Have you been wondering if you should have that conversation? I say go for it. No one conversation can change our relationships, yet any conversation can. And the conversation we don't have doesn't help. Work, relationships, and life all succeed or fail, one conversation at a time. A courageous conversation is one most of us are not likely to want to have. Why? Because courage requires pain. If we were confident about the relationship we'd have it. We do things that give us confidence. Things that require courage we tend to avoid, because they don't always feel good.
If he is stressed, disappointed, or frustrated with the way somebody is doing something, he has to recognize that if he were that person, he had probably do it exactly the way they're doing it. It's easy for her to say he would do it differently if it were him in that scenario, but it isn't him. He has to recognize that other people have different backgrounds, different conditioning, different upbringing, different fears, different aspirations, different goals, and maybe have even had periods of trauma in their lives.
And if he understands that, then he needs to choose to meet them where they're at. So the most important thing he can do is tell the person what he is uncomfortable with or disappointed in, (using "I" statements):
"I observe"
"I recognize"
"I see"
If he uses the word "you" when communicating, he is going to put the person on the defensive. But if he opens up the conversation letting the other person know he sees something and that there's a place he likes to get the relationship to, or that there is a result for the business he is going after that's in everyone's best interest, then he can enrol that person in the discussion and ask them for their observation of the particular issue that he is speaking of.
When having a courageous conversation, it’s important that we define what the scenario is through "I" statements, clarify that, and give an example. It’s also important to recognize that no matter what's going on in a conversation, we should always strive to give a hundred per cent of our 50%. We can't ever give more than that, but we certainly don’t want to be giving any less.
Remember, no one conversation can change your relationship, yet any conversation can. So invite the person in. We can all deal with the truth. It might make us grumpy, but if we know the truth, we can at least deal with it. Far better to be in the conversation, than to be the subject of the conversation. It takes courage. That's why we're in leadership positions.
Have a courageous conversation, because the conversation you don't have won't help.
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