The three main reasons why people connect with you.
Have you ever thought about why or why people look for you? When and where do you connect most easily?
There are three main reasons why people look for us:
1) To join us.
2) So that you join them.
3) Out of curiosity or pleasure.
Humans are social beings. We are empathetic and therefore, we look for others like us with whom to relate. Analyzing the type of connections that make up my life, I have been able to summarize them in three types of interpersonal relationships or three reasons why we connect with each other and today I want to share them with you to see what you think about it…
1. To join in:
Has it happened to you that suddenly you are talking with a couple of colleagues at work, or among a group of people in a meeting and suddenly someone has something valuable to contribute to the topic?
There will be times when perhaps that person is not directly part of the conversation but takes it upon themselves to interrupt to say: I can help you with this!
Does this sound familiar?
There are studies that prove that people feel happy when they help someone. There is a correlation between the health and well-being of people and their ability to contribute or help others.*Borgonovi, F. (2008). Doing well by doing good. The relationship between formal volunteering and self-reported health and happiness. Social Science & Medicine, 66, 2321-2334.
I think we have all experienced this at some point. It is gratifying to be able to contribute to someone's life.
In this particular case, the interaction is basically:
Hi, this is me. I have valuable information for you. Let me share it with you. Let's connect!
Can you remember the last time someone connected with you to contribute?
2. So that you can contribute.
Anyone who says they never need help is lying.
We all need the support of the people around us on a daily basis. What's more, we even need people we DO NOT know and perhaps will never meet.
Imagine, what would have happened if during the pandemic the garbage collectors had not come to your house?
In this case, it is usually more difficult to connect, not because we are not good at providing help, but because we all have a hard time admitting that we need help or we are embarrassed to raise our hand and say “I don’t know anything about that, can you help me?”
There is a very famous saying that goes: “Rome was not built in a day”, to which I would add: “and neither was it built by ONE person”, and there is another one that is one of my favorites, it is an African proverb that says: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go with someone.”
Feel flattered that there is someone who seeks you out to ask for advice, support or information, since it means that they value your point of view on the matter, but, if suddenly there is something that you do not know, or about which you do not have much information, it is worth saying so and looking for someone else who does know. It is okay not to know about a subject, or many!
In this type of interaction, what happens is more or less the following:
Someone has a particular situation that they don't know how to solve.
They identify you as the person who knows about the subject.
They approach you to ask for help. Let's connect!
3. Out of curiosity or for pleasure
This point is the most fun of the three. We've all connected at some point just for the sake of "let's see what happens..." or "let's apply YOLO," and you're probably smiling as you read this because you're remembering someone in particular, right?
It happens very frequently with the counterpart that we find attractive, but it also happens a lot in groups of friends that you join for the first time and you feel like a fish in water.
Has it ever happened to you that you start talking to someone and suddenly you wonder how you didn't know each other before because there are so many things, topics, or even people in common?
Einstein said that everything in the world is vibration. There are people who talk about how we have a tendency to surround ourselves with people who vibrate at the same frequency as we do, which is why we feel such affinity with our friends. It is also why we feel attracted to a certain type of person.
The interactions in this type of connection are more or less like this:
I am me. You are you. There is a “something” that unites us. Let’s find out what it is. Let’s connect!
After reading this, can you identify why they seek you out the most? Analyze which of these three reasons is the one that occurs most frequently in your life. Can you notice a trend? My suggestion to you is to find a balance between the three since they are equally important.
Each one gives you different benefits and being aware of the reasons why people approach you can also make a big difference in your way of being: You don't want to be the one who spends all her time solving other people's lives, let yourself be loved from time to time or vice versa, maybe it's time for you to look at who you're going to connect with today to help them, what do you think?
Write to me and tell me about your experiences.
I love sharing experiences.
Comments